mindfulness

13 Badass Ways to Live More Mindfully, Even if Meditation Isn't for You.

I've written a quick and dirty guide to meditation before and I'm working on a new resource for anyone who wants to learn to meditate. But I know there are other people who have given it a try and it's just not their jam. I heard from one Romance Yourself student that she love, love, loved the course but she just couldn't get into the daily meditation practice.

Until you've settled into a meditation practice for 40 days or so, it's difficult to say that it's definitively not for you. It can take a while to begin quieting our monkey minds and it's easy to get frustrated that we're not "doing it right" (spoiler: you can't "do" meditation wrong).

But Rhi had given meditation her best shot and it just wasn't jiving for her. She was looking for other ways to incorporate mindfulness into her life.

When we live more mindfully it becomes easier to accept things exactly as they are, tap into our intuition, and align ourselves with where we want to go. We begin to quiet our minds, reduce our stress, and gain clarity.

This is for you, Rhi! I've rounded up amazing ideas from some of my favourite people to bring you: 13 badass ways to live more mindfully, without sitting on a meditation cushion.

Plus I wanted to share the ways that I try to live mindfully outside of my meditation practice. I've created a PDF of 30 of my favourite ideas. You can download them at the bottom of this post. They're all tried & tested by me and will allow you to begin living more mindfully today without beginning a meditation practice.

Go for a walk & see the world anew.

Gala Darling presents us with the question: what if a simple walk can change our reality?

And it definitely can. In this article she outlines how walking can be not only a meditation, but a process for infusing our day with magic. By simply challenging ourselves to look at everything as if we're seeing it for the first time and as if it was created just for us, we become completely tuned into the present moment and enchanted with the beauty that's all around us.

I did this recently on my home from work and was delighted to see carved faces above the doors of every house on a street I walk down every day. I'm usually busy listening to a podcast and thinking about what I'm going to make for dinner, so I'd never noticed them before!

I highly recommend reading Gala's description of the exercise and giving it a try today. It's so simple, you can even practice it on your way home from the bus stop!

Chew slowly and eat mindfully

Did you know that for proper digestion we're meant to chew every bite of food 20 times?

I don't know about you but I'm more likely to plow through my meals before moving onto the next thing, which means I'm never getting the full nutritional benefits of what I eat.

But the benefits of eating mindfully aren't only health-related. Slowing down and really focusing on what we're eating allows us to savour each bite, turn mealtimes into a ritual, and really enjoy our food. We end up being satisfied with less because we've taken time to notice and appreciate what we're eating, and because our stomach has time to register that we're full.

I was particularly inspired by this article on Zen Habits that walks through the steps of mindful eating. It's a really comprehensive overview of the "how" and "why" and is definitely worth a read!

Related: I wrote a post about how your diet can be an act of self-love, which you might find interesting.

Ask what lights you up.

We all want to live with more passion and purpose, but how do we actually do that?

Most of the time we're busy with obligations and routines so we don't time to stop and actually notice what it is that we actually want. And the answer might surprise us.

Rebecca Campbell has an incredibly simple tool for getting on the path that's aligned with your heart's desires: simply ask yourself "What lights me up?" and then listen.

But before you give it a try, listen to her video where she shares a story of how she did just this. The answer she got didn't seem to make any sense but when she followed the advice she received it help her transform her life and led to her publishing the book she'd always dreamed of writing.

Loosen the grip of your ego.

Okay, okay, this one IS done on your meditation cushion, or your yoga mat if you prefer. It's a kundalini yoga practice so it's a much more active form of meditation that combines breath work with yoga postures. But I swear, using breath of fire is SO powerful for clearing your mind and creating intense breakthroughs when you're feeling stuck.

Gabrielle Bernstein has a video that will walk you through the ego eradicator - and it only takes 3 minutes, so don't worry about getting bored.

Something about the combination of rapid breathing with the yoga posture really forces your mind off of whatever it's been dwelling on.

Whenever I do it, I feel like there just isn't any room left in my brain for other thoughts. It's like there's this wonderful swooshing sensation clearing my mind like a reset button and afterwards everything feels clearer and calmer.

 

READY TO ZEN THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR LIFE?

Click below to download my list of 30 tried & tested ways to live more mindfully (WITHOUT meditating).

Become an idea machine

James Altucher starts each day by writing down 10 ideas. They might be ideas for a business, how to live his life better, how to improve something, or anything else, really. The subject isn't as important as the process of coming up with the ideas. The point isn't even to come up with good ideas. In fact, he admits that most of them will be bad. But the practice has turned him into an idea machine.

It has trained his mind to focus on a problem and not just to come up with a solution, but many solutions.

This is an exercise in mindfulness because it requires complete attention to the task at hand and it cultivates your ability to see possibilities rather than getting caught up in fears and doubt.

James has written a comprehensive article on becoming an idea machine and his wife has written an entire book on the subject!

Cleanse your calendar

Most of us follow the same routines week after week. Our calendars fill up with obligations because we feel like we have to do them or they're what we've always done.

We feel constantly busy but we're not necessarily getting where we want to go. We're always complaining that there's no time for the things that we really want to do.

That's why getting very intentional with how you spend your time is so powerful. Are you aware of how much time you spend scrolling through Facebook or watching TV? How would it feel to say "no" when you don't really want to go out or to let go of commitments that are filling you with dread?

I love Alexandra's posts on "cleansing your calendar" so much. She walks you through the process of getting rid of the to-do's you're resenting and actually letting them go. We might think that being busy means we're important or fulfilled, but often it's a form of procrastination. When we take a hard look at our calendars, we can begin to mindfully build our days to create the lives we truly desire.

Use a cash budget

Am I ever going to stop harping on about this? Maybe. But only if I find a better way to manage my finances mindfully while still having lots of fun.

It's easier to be mindful of our finances when we're actually seeing the money in our wallet depreciate.

Another way to become more mindful of your spending is to track it with an app like Mint or YNAB or Wally. We all know that a daily latte or drinks every weekend really add up, but until you account for every dollar and look at the results at the end of the month, it's hard to realize how much it adds up.

Related: I wrote a full guide to using a cash budget, which will you walk through the process as well as the benefits.

Speak seductively.

Have you ever listened to a speaker and noticed that they have a vocal tick that comes out again and again? They might end every sentence as if it's a question, add a nervous giggle in every so often, or say "um" way too much.

We all have these little ticks but we aren't usually aware of them unless we listen back to ourselves on an audio recording or if someone points them out. In fact, we speak mindlessly most of the time. There are lots of ways that our speech can do us a disservice. If we raise our voice at the end of every sentence, we don't sound like we're confident in what we're saying. Many women speak in a higher voice than is natural for them and leads to people taking us less seriously.

What if instead we mindfully chose words and even a tone of voice that seduced our listener so that they hung on our every word?

Of course seduction isn't just a sexual thing. It's a way of being that expresses who you are through every word, every action, every look.

Kitty Cavalier is the queen of seduction and she has written an excellent article on speaking seductively - and I bet it doesn't involve what you think!

And when we bring this mindful intention to what we're saying, we're more likely to express ourselves clearly, ask for what we want, and stand up for ourselves!

Shake it off! 

Shaking is part of every Qoya class and that's where I was first introduced to it. But it's actually an ancient practice that is used by yogis as well as in shamanic healing rituals and even by wild animals in nature. It's one of the most simple practices but it allows us to release fear and reset our body.

Qoya founder, Rochelle Schiek suggests you try this as an experiment: "Shake your right hand only as much as you can for about 30 seconds. Shake rigorously. Shake intensely. Shake like you mean it. Keep shaking...a little bit more. Shake 10 more seconds, with more enthusiasm at the end and then stop and gently cup both hands in front of you, as if you were holding a globe, and feel the difference between your right and left hand. Feel how one hand is stronger and at the same time lighter. Notice how you feel increased energy, vitality, and mental clarity after shaking your right hand for 30 seconds."

To give shaking a full go, put on an upbeat song and start by shaking your hands vigorously for 10-30 seconds. Shake one foot and then the other. Lie on your back and shake your legs in the air. Stand up and shakeyour hips. Shake your shoulders. Shake everything at once! While your shaking you can picture any fears or anxieties or frustrations being flung from your body and going back into the earth.

Whenever I do this I end up feeling calmer and more energized at the same time.

Rochelle has a video that will show you this practice in action.

Connect to your intuition

I think we all want to live more authentically and be true to ourselves, but how can we foster that kind of connection? How do we discern our intuitive voice from our fears and all of the other yammering going on inside our heads?

We all have an inner knowing that's connected to our deepest desires and our best self, but it can be difficult to hear it among the noise. And even harder to trust it when almost everything it tell us to do is fucking scary.

Jess Lively has a fantastic exercise you can use when you're facing a life choice and want to connect to your intuition to figure it out.

She suggests literally writing out a conversation between your ego and your intuition. Write the question from your ego and then intuitively free write a response. I know this might sound a little crazy but it's surprising how quickly this inner knowing can spring forward when we let it. You can get a full explanation of the exercise and a real-life example on her website.

Feel your feelings

For the most part, we live in a society that encourages us to put our uncomfortable feelings in a box, slap on a smile, and forget about them. But that just leads to tensions brewing beneath the surface, waiting to erupt. And we grow more and more out of touch with who we are, what we want, and the direction our lives are taking.

Louise Androlia's "feel your feelings" mantra is so powerful.

She encourages us to really tune in to how we're feeling and declare it to ourselves: "I'm feeling __________." Feel the feeling in your body and breathe into that space. Tell yourself: "I'm feeling ____________ and that's okay."

I love this practice. It brings more awareness to our lives and I've found that it allows me to sit with a feeling without getting drawn into a panic about it. It gives me permission to allow whatever I'm feeling - no matter how shit it is - to flow through me rather than resisting it. Because what we resist persists, but when we go with the flow, the feeling can run its natural course.

Plus, when we're in touch with our emotions, we can begin to use them as a compass for what's working in our lives and what could use some retuning.

Take a look at the stories you're telling yourself

We all have those stories we tell ourselves. Some of mine are: I'm not an athlete - in fact, exercise just isn't my jam; my ex-business partner totally screwed me over, and I've always been afraid of heights.

But are those stories really true? Do they have to be? Is telling myself them contributing to me being my best self? Do they empower or disempower me?

Usually we allow our thoughts to mindlessly swirl around our heads. If we've been telling ourselves these stories for long enough we just accept them as gospel, without ever questioning them.

Sarah says it's time to cut that shit out. Instead, ask yourself: "What would happen if you reframed that experience? What would happen if you tried to view your struggles through a lens of empathy and growth?"

Pausing to examine our stories allows us to view them as just that: stories. And we're the ones with the power to rewrite them and create new endings as we please.

Use your breath to fuel your workouts

We can use our breath to fuel every area of our life. We can use it to call in stillness or to push us further. We can breathe out our anxieties and negativity and breathe in whatever it is we need in the moment.

This article walks you through using yogic breathing to bring mindfulness and a sense of strength to your workouts. It's a simple technique that brings additional benefits to getting fit as you use that time to create peace of mind and personal growth. Pretty cool, right?

Ultimately, mindfulness is about settling into the present moment. Embracing it even. We let go of our stranglehold on the past and stop obsessing over the future. The present moment is all we really have.

These are practical ways to begin incorporating mindfulness into your life. Pick one and rock it out!

If it turns out that one doesn't groove with you, try something else. Notice that there are opportunities to be mindful in every moment. The more you practice, the more you'll train your mind and the easier it will become to stay in the present moment. That's where the magic is!

So to make sure you have a plethora of ways to start living more mindfully, I've created a bonus list of 30 more ideas and they've all been tried and tested by yours truly.

READY TO ZEN THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR LIFE?

Click below to download my list of 30 tried & tested ways to live more mindfully (WITHOUT meditating).

Stop the Madness! Recognising and Transforming Negative Patterns.

"Never again," you tell yourself. You have the best of intentions. But then, "Maybe just once more," you think, "I'm really stressed out," or "I deserve a treat." Without even fully realising it, you've fallen back into a negative pattern. You start berating yourself for being weak. You swear for the umpteenth time this will be the last, but even you don't really believe it. We all have them. Our vices.

One of my big ones is around food. I have a really sensitive stomach and when I overindulge or eat certain things, I end up feeling really sick. Plus, as cliche as it is, I'm hoping to lose a few pounds before my wedding. I hardly have a restrictive diet (as I've talked about before), but I know when I avoid certain foods and eat mostly clean, whole ingredients, I feel a lot better. And mostly I eat really well. Veg bowls, green juice, and superfood smoothies are my jam.

Yet I still often find myself chomping my way through a giant bowl of french fries or slurping up a bowl of pasta that ultimately makes me feel queasy. I use food to comfort myself when I've had a bad day or to celebrate my hard work or something good that's going on. But inevitably I use my indulgence as a reason to berate myself. I've acted out of alignment with my intentions and I feel terrible about it.

Sound familiar?

We cycle through negative patterns so mindlessly that it can feel impossible to transform them. But when we bring the two main principles of lifestyle design - clarity and intention - we're able to take control of our lives and create habits and patterns that we feel good about.

Here are the steps I've been using to transform my patterns with food. They can be used in any area of your life to create real, lasting changes.

Identify the pattern. If you don't see a problem, you're never going to fix it. Get clear on exactly what the negative behaviour is and why you want to change it. Write that ish down to remind yourself.

Figure out what you're getting from it. If you overeat, are you getting comfort and pleasure? If you're constantly dating men who treat you badly, are you craving love? If you're always spending your way back to zero, are you using money to celebrate or is that just where you're comfortable financially? Identify what's motivating your behaviour.

Choose a new behaviour that's aligned with your values. How can you fulfill the desire you identified above in a positive way? Or how can you replace the belief that's guiding your behaviour with something more empowering? You could reach out to a friend for comfort. Cuddle with your cat or a bestie when you're yearning for love. Dance to your favourite songs to celebrate. Brainstorm as many ideas as possible and don't worry if they don't seem like the perfect substitute. You can start generating the experiences and feelings you desire, and the more you find little ways to create them in your life, the more you'll crowd out your desire for the negative behaviour.

Look out for triggers. What situation usually set off this pattern for you? Go into these knowing how you want to react, whether it's what you'll say to someone or yourself, and what behaviour you're going to choose instead.

Use progressive language. I recently heard Amy use the term "progressive language" on her podcast and I love it! It perfectly encapsulates the approach I've been taking to affirmations over the past few months. Rather than affirming something that simply isn't true (ie. "I have a completely balanced relationship with food") and creating major cognitive dissonance, you affirm your commitment to creating a change (ie. "I am committed to changing my relationship with food in a way that fuels and nourishes my body and transforming negative self-talk to improve my body image.") The key is to change your internal dialogue. If you're telling yourself that you deserve a treat, you could switch that and say that your body deserves to be nourished with the best possible foods.

Be gentle for yourself. You might have to go through a lot of "last times" before you finally transform this pattern. That's okay. It's a process. Rather than berating yourself if you fall into the pattern again, give yourself a pep talk. Use your progressive language and recommit to making a change.

Often our lives feel like they're something that happen to us but we have the power to choose a new direction or begin a complete transformation whenever we please. And if things feel completely impossible or overwhelming, ask for help. Talk to your doctor, see a therapist, enlist your best friend's support, or hire a coach. Even the highest level executives and world class athletes need someone in their corner, supporting their growth and development, so there's no shame in getting your own guide or cheerleader.

And if there's any way that I can be of service, just let me know.

Love & wildness,

Calibrating Your Internal Compass.

If there's one thing I took away from Saturday's Liberation and Love Urban Retreat it's that we know. We know what we need.

We know what we want.

We know what to do next.

We know what's right and what's best for us.

But if we know, why has being "lost" become an epidemic?

Because we all have so much crap sitting on our internal compass that it could never stay calibrated. There's other people's expectations and the things we think we should be doing and the fears and the doubts and the things from the past that we've been dragging into our present. It's all weighing down on us and creating fog and clutter so that we've become disconnected from that deep inner knowing.

Being with so many amazing women on Saturday made it clear that we can all recalibrate our internal compass and find that true north. Here are a few simple places to start.

Move your body. Moving wildly and freely gets us out of our heads and into our hearts. This is why I love qoya. It's a practice in feeling our truth in our bodies. In trusting that we already know and creating a structure for connecting with it. You might have another form of movement that brings you this kind of serenity but if you're still searching for one, I highly recommend visiting Rochelle's site and signing up for the free "10 Days to Love Qoya" mini course.

Sit in stillness. Whether it's a a formal meditation practice or just the daily ritual of walking somewhere without any music or electronic devices distracting you, find ways to connect with the present moment. Don't focus on trying to force all thoughts out of your mind, just notice what you're thinking without attachment. Our thoughts don't have to take us anywhere. When we allow our minds to be still, we make room for our intuition to be heard.

Give yourself space to dream. We can't create a life we love until we know what that looks like. So often we're caught up in chasing the things we're supposed to want or used to want, instead of connecting with what truly lights us up - the dreams that are based on our strongest values and deepest yearnings.

Appropriately, I've been working on a gift for you that I hope will give you clarity on your heart's deepest wishes and bring you into alignment with the person you want to become.

It's called Define Your Dreams and it's a 30-page workbook for getting clear on what you really want so that you can create a life you love.

I hope you love it.