self-love book club

The Self-Love Book Club Reads The Big Leap.

The Self-Love Book Club Reads The Big Leap.
The Self-Love Book Club Reads The Big Leap.

The Big Leap: Conquer Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Levelis one of those books that had me exclaiming "yes!" throughout each and every chapter. Written by Gay Hendericks, this is a book about recognising and overcoming your upper limit problem so that you can happily live with more abundance, success, and joy in your life. He explains the upper limit problem as a sort of default setting that we are all programmed with at a young age. It's the maximum amount of good feelings we think we're capable or "allowed" to experience. When we go past this threshold by entering a really wonderful relationship, attaining great success in our career, or becoming happier for any other reason, we drag ourselves back down with self-sabotage or limiting beliefs. Of course we do this so subtly that we don't realize it's us that creates this cycle of misery. Our upper limit problem becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and we might adopt a "why does this always happen to me?" attitude. But by recognising our upper limit problem and refusing to buy into it anymore, we can enter what Hendericks calls our "zone of genius" and reach our true potential in every area of our life.

This book is full of useful exercises, ideas, and a great affirmation to help you dismantle your upper limit program and I highly recommend reading it for yourself. Here are a few of my biggest take aways:

  • Worry, fear, and sadness is often our reaction to some sort of positive experience or breakthrough trying to shine through. Pausing and allowing ourself to locate this positive feeling in our body nurtures it so that it can grow and spread.
  • Humans generally shift between two relationships with time: believing that there's never enough and that the minutes are always racing by or being bored, so that every second seems to drag on forever. But when we recognise the power our mindset has over time (or at least our perception of time), we can also recognise that we always have enough, so that time seems to shrink or expand to exactly what we need.
  • Being in a relationship will constantly challenge our upper limit program as it pushes us to expand our capacity to love and be loved. Usually we resist this challenge and find ways to push our partners away or sabotage the relationship. But if we remain constantly open to learning through both the ups and downs of our relationship, we're able to be truly intimate with one another and work through the upper limit problem together.

Hendericks has a PhD in psychology, so he takes a very pragmatic approach to his subject matter and offers practical way to implement what he's teaching, which I think will appeal to people who are put off by self-help woo woo. However, there is also a spiritual and metaphysical component to his writing as well, especially when it comes to thinking about time differently. Don't let this dissuade you from reading it as there's a lot of substance under everything he says and I feel certain that anyone could get a lot of insight from this book.

The Big Leap is one of my favourite books we've read through The Self-Love Book Club and I think it is an essential read for anyone who is looking for more in their career, in love, or in any other area of their life.

Have you read The Big Leap? I'd love to hear what you thought!

The Self-Love Book Club Reads Outrageous Openness.

Outrageous Openness was our February read for The Self-Love Book Club and I have to admit, it took me by surprise. We chose it at the recommendation of Nikola, my co-host for the London group and I went into it feeling skeptical. I have conflicted feelings about the universe or divine source, or whatever you want to call it. On the one hand, I . But on the other, I'm a staunch believer that life is ultimately the product of your choices and your actions. No more, no less. So anything that preaches just trusting the universe to take care of you, feels a bit too woo-woo for me.

But Tosha Silver blends a belief in divine guidance with a knowledge of the need to step up and do your part to make things happened. The book is peppered with anecdotes and humour, alongside prayers and rituals for becoming more in-tune with the flow of life. It was came as a welcome reminder not hold on so tightly to outcomes and instead to view unexpected twists or "setbacks" as opportunities in disguise. It's a quick read and since finishing it, I've found myself applying this wisdom to release my stranglehold on how I want things to be and instead to enjoy things how they are.

It seems like most of us were pleasantly surprised by what this book had to offer. Here's what a couple of the other girls had to say:

"My first impression of Outrageous Openness was one of cynicism. A book that's talking to me about the Divine Source surely won't have anything concrete and actionable to teach me. I couldn't have been more wrong. The simple act of reading the book was like taking a deep breath and then letting it all out again. A relief. Permission to relax and loosen my shoulders. The words were a comfort to me at a time when I particularly needed them, and I will continue to look back at the book when I want to remind myself that the Universe, Divine Source, or whatever you'd like to call it, has got my back." - Rebecca Hunter

"Outrageous Openness was inspiring, a delightful arrangement of wisdom in the form of rehashing tiny stories of relevance. Not being religious myself, but always feeling spiritual, I have often cringed at the thought of people who blindly put all of their hope in God. However, now I've come to see that this can be a spiritual practice of attuning yourself with the highest vibrations in the universe and releasing yourself to that higher calling, which is quite different from trusting God out of fear or a crushing thought of a predetermined future. I think tapping into the Divine Source in the way described could prove to be very enlightening!" - Colette Hanson

Have you read Outrageous Openness? Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments!

And if you'd like to join us our next few books are The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks in March, Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts: How to Use the Power of Pleasure to Have Your Way with the World by Regena Thomashauer in April, and Finding Your Own North Star by Martha Beck in May. You can join our discussion on Facebook or meet up with us in person in London!

Love, almond milk lattes, & dog-eared pages,





The Self-Love Book Club Reads The Desire Map.

I first read The Desire Map last January when I joined one of the London groups for Danielle Laporte’s world’s largest book club. This ended up being one of the best decisions I made after moving to London, as it introduced me to an amazing group of women. A few of them quickly became my closest friends in the UK.

The book was a complete gamechanger for me as well. Learning the desire mapping process has transformed how I live my day-to-day life, set goals, and go after the things that I want.

Danielle flips the goal-setting process on its head by starting with how you want to feel and working backwards to figure out what steps you need to take to get there.

When you look at life this way, everything shifts. Achieving some of the big goals you thought were paramount to your happiness no longer make sense because you realize they’ll never help you feel how you want to feel.

And instead of pinning your happiness on some future accomplishment or event, you find ways to weave the feelings you want through all of your daily decisions, big and small.

The book helps you work through the process of honing in on what Danielle calls your “core desired feelings” – the feelings that motivate your decisions, whether you’re conscious of them or not.

We all want to feel good but sometimes we’re pretty mixed up when it comes to what will actually accomplish that. And feeling good means different things for different people.

My core desired feelings are magic, expansion, love, and adventure. I try to keep them in front of me all of the time: on a giant vision board in my room, carved into a candle on my altar, and scrawled on the front page of my Filofax. That way they’re always at the forefront of my mind, shaping my decisions and guiding me to prioritize feeling good rather than pesky “shoulds” that threaten to infringe on my happiness.

It's the perfect book for January, when we're all busy making plans and plotting out lives for the coming months, and I know I'll come back to it year after year.

Here are what some of the other self-love book club babes thought about the book:

For as long as I can remember I've been horrible at keeping goals. After reading The Desire Map I finally realize it's because I've simply been setting goals the wrong way! Through Danielle LaPorte's guidance I've learned to use my desires to create goals with soul. I no longer dread the work involved but rather I feel inspired to work towards my goals.- Cole

"As a Mickel Therapist, a treatment for energy disorders which emphasizes the importance of listening to your emotions and tuning into your intuition, The Desire Map's way of goal setting fully resonated with me. I love her approach of touching base with our bodies & souls, putting our desired feelings at the very centre of every action and life decision. Personally, I really liked the bit about appreciating what's already working - it noticeably shifted my focus towards more gratitude. Great choice of book for the start of the year!" - Nikola

“I knew I needed The Desire Map in my life from the moment I first came across Danielle LaPorte. It just made sense to me. I call Danielle my ‘guru in blue jeans’, she’s both deliciously badass yet reassuringly down-to-earth, with the odd f-word thrown in for good measure. The Desire Map is goal setting for the spiritually aware, modern young woman and it’s made a huge difference in my life. Instead of chasing an endless list of things to do, that inevitably all end up feeling pretty meaningless once I get there, The Desire Map has encouraged me to let my heart take the wheel, and my feelings be my guide. Dive in to The Desire Map, for goodness’ sake.”  - Lauren

Have you read The Desire Map? Be sure to leave a comment sharing your thoughts on the book. I’d love to hear what your core desired feelings and how you’ve been using them to shape your goals and decisions.

This month we’re reading Outrageous Openness by Tosha Silver. Thanks so much to Nikola for suggesting it. I’d never heard of Tosha before and I’m really looking forward to diving into this one.