Confessions of a Pre-Menstrual Meltdown
Okay, confession: last week, I had a pre-menstrual meltdown.
Has that ever happened to you?
All of a sudden, it felt like I was under water. All I could see was problems in our life and little things felt totally overwhelming. I was feeling hopeless. And pretty soon I was snapping at my husband and starting a fight over something that was, realistically, not a big deal (but felt like the end of the world in the moment).
Perhaps this seems like something I shouldn't be telling you. Because since I'm a cycle coach who finds ease and connection through my approach to cyclic living, shouldn't I have stopped having moments like these?
But here's why I am telling you (aside from the fact of always wanting to be honest and transparent ): I was actually grateful for this experience.
We've been told a story that our hormones make us “irrational,” “hysterical” even. But the truth is, these views are a hangover from the way women's mental health has been treated for hundreds of years. It covers over an important secret: these moments of “meltdown” are times when wisdom and truth are forcing themselves to the surface.
We know that pre-menstrual pain (both physical and psychic) are common experiences. But arguably, they're not normal in a healthy, balanced menstrual cycle.
Did you know that the menstrual cycle is considered a vital sign?
Just like our heart rate, temperature, respiration rate, and blood pressure, the state of our menstrual cycle is an important indicator of our overall health and wellbeing.
Which is not to say that those of us who do experience premenstrual challenges have anything to feel bad about it. We're not to blame. We live in a society that consistently and systematically denies our cyclic experience and pushes us to override our body's messages over and over again. So if your pre-menstruum feels like a hot mess, it's not your fault.
And while I still haven't found a way to single-handedly bring about the demise of capitalism and patriarchy, my work is focused on taking control of the things that are within our power. Often these small tweaks can make all of the difference to how we feel (as one of my clients said: "I’m surprised how quickly my cycle has really started to regulate and become more predictable, even though I haven’t made many ‘obvious’ changes.")
So I was grateful for that pre-menstrual meltdown, even though that morning was bloody uncomfortable (and I felt guilty for fighting with my husband). Because it was a clear temperature check that things were off-balance. And it was forcing me to look at some things in our live that just haven't been working very well.
As I wrote about recently, I have been going through my own wintering process. Moving back to Canada and the intensity of the past year took me apart. The feelings that rise up in my pre-menstruum point to where I still have pieces to put back together. They show me where I'm needing even more tenderness, rest, and grace. When I'm pushing past my body's signals in the first half of my cycle, my body has to get loud so that I stop ignoring it.
This work is not about being perfect. It's not about having it all figured out because life is inherently messy and dynamic and we are always going to be adapting to changes. It's not even about never snapping at our children or fighting with our partners again. But as we learn to work alongside the natural ebbs and flows of our bodies and of life itself, a sense of ease and flow begins to permeate our lives. A deep-rooted sense of self-compassion and self-trust begin to take root. An unwavering knowing that our life is meaningful starts to unfold.
Your cycle is the blueprint for a wholly different way of living and experiencing the world.
If you would like support in finding your unique flow and building a life based on joy ease, and connection, my 1:1 coaching program might be a great fit for you.
This article was originally sent to my email list on February 25, 2023. If you would like to receive my weekly missives, full of real life cyclic parenting stories and easy-to-implement tips and practices, you can sign up here.
